Sunday, August 26, 2012

SG's Hurricane Survival Guide

With Isaac about to touch down, this is the perfect time for a long time Floridian to share his considerable Hurricane survival knowledge.

Step 1 :: Make sure you're not standing in a place that can be easily struck by lightning before proceeding.

Step 2 :: Form your hand into a fist.

Step 3 :: Raise it up above your head while glaring at the nearest clouds, preferably through a window.

Step 4 :: Move your fist forward and backward, similar to a shaking motion.

Optional :: Curse your favorite despicable Gods/Demons/etc. Remember Step 1.

That's about it. You are now fully prepared for everything that hurricane can throw at you. And I mean that literally. Watch out for trees.

If you still feel like there's more you want to do to prepare, the government has provided an extremely useful One Stop Hurricane Resource Guide to alleviate your anxiety. Aw, look at how happy that family is in the picture on the cover! Do they not realize that their home will probably be destroyed? Oh, check out page 1. That dog isn't going to make it. Looks as light as a football.

Seriously though, good luck everybody!

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